An Advanced Apology

"The offended should be more understanding of the offender's situation and less quick to know everything about the offender. However, this does not give an excuse to the offender to do whatever he/she wants"

As I prepare to step back onto American soil after 9 months in a foreign land with foreign people that I now call home and family, I want to prepare you and apologize.

I'm sorry for my emotional up and down state that will probably occur during certain hours of the day, especially at night when I should be the responsible father and put my boys to bed and play them their bed time story.

I'm sorry if I must remove myself from certain situations or cry or become sad all of a sudden during a conversation or an activity. I have probably been reminded of my kids in some way and will miss them so greatly.

I'm sorry if I distance myself from you for any period of time. I probably just don't want to be around people, want to be alone or may be annoyed with whatever is being done. It's probably not you. Or it could be you.

I'm sorry if you don't understand my English when I use certain phrases like "that one only", "then", "come one time", "don't tell", "simply telling" "simple", "this is life", "any command?" "Ahhss!", "Ayohhh!", "listen no", "Chee! Keep quiet no!" "yes ra", "what is what?", "do I look pretty?", "How does my hair look?", "huh! Hi!" (All while flexing my muscles), "...or what?" I also may seem a little more nosy when I ask "what you're doing", "where you're going" or "did you eat rice?" Just our cool India lingo.

I'm sorry if I'm always wondering why people aren't staring at me. It's not that I've gotten vain since I left. However, since there are no tall African American males who could pass for Nigerians, I was always a sight where ever I was.

I'm sorry if I come to you house and begin eating food with my hands. It's actually easier, more clean because you don't have to wash spoons or forks, makes your food taste better, and it's better for enjoying. I'll try and Be civil for the sake of everyone else.

I'm also sorry if I come to your house and I ask for a bucket and/or a pail. I've been taking bath from a bucket for the past nine months and it's one of the happiest times of my life. I don't expect to give it up soon. So If you hear splashes of water in the bathroom, don't worry. I'm saving water.

I apologize for being even more cheap than when I left and not needing a whole lot of stuff. We didn't have electricity most times, water was outside, my bed was simple and me and my kids were poor. Didn't have the most extravagant food and did without a lot of stuff. I just didn't have it and that was ok.

I'm sorry if I'm always ALWAYS talking about my kids for the rest of my life. Them and my Jesus were everything to me and I could talk to you about it for awhile. If you really don't want to know, then please don't ask because I won't be able to give a short answer and will refrain from telling you other things about my time if I sense you actually don't care that much. Don't worry. It's normal.

I'm sorry if all I want to eat is rice and curry. It's life. As well, sorry that everything I make will now be hot because life is just better that way.

Sorry if I'm always cold during this winter because I don't think it ever dropped below 60 something while I was in Meghalaya, and that was freezing. I'll be wearing jackets and sweaters and coats and hats everywhere. Don't tell.

Sorry if I get mad when you tell me "welcome home." This is currently not the happiest time for me and this is currently not my home, but a foreign place. I may often refer to India as home and america as the foreign place I now live.

I'm sorry if I prefer to sleep on the ground than a bed. In India we didn't have very cushy tempur pedics. We only had blankets and thin mattresses on plywood. However that really helped out my back for the first time in years. So it serves two purposes. It helps my back and I feel closer to home.

Sorry for wearing a lungi everywhere. It's like a man skirt. It's the best thing ever. Sometimes I'll wear a bedsheet in its place

I'm sorry if you don't understand when I'm saying yes or no. It's kinda backwards. I make noises with my mouth and head nods or something something with my hands. I'm probably always listening but you just can't catch my body language and noises.

I'm sorry if when I start driving initially, I go to the wrong side of the road. Everything is backwards there. Just don't let me drive.

I'm sorry if I get nervous about everything. Right now as I type this, I'm nervous to see everyone. I don't know why. It's just a lot to handle at one time: the white ppl, the black ppl, the right side of the road driving, all the bazaars, the nice streets, all the iPhone's and tablets, all the ppl not wearing clothes, not seeing my kids anywhere. That's really hard. All the English. All the stuff... It's a different world out here. I'm trying to get used to this foreign country.

In many different things, you may not understand why things are going the way they are. Just ask me about it. Just seriously want to know how you can help me. If that's what you would like, you can help me make this transition a lot easier.

I don't make an excuse if I hurt you, because that's not ok either but you may be a little more understanding when you read this. So thank you for what you do.

And again, I apologize.

I don't know if Alabanza is the word to describe how I feel now...