Supplies

            I have begun to wonder if I am truly ready for India. I mean can you really actually be fully ready to serve the Lord? I got a windbreaker, a head lamp, and my medical book in the mail yesterday. The weekend prior to this one, I got some tools and clothes from my fantastic aunt. “Like this mess is real,” I thought. Felt pretty ready. But am I really? I tell myself that I am going to India to serve. Have I left myself to be served as well?

            Often times, as missionaries, we journey into the “darkness” of the world, or so we call it, in hopes that we will completely shake things up with our theology and way of life. In actuality, sometimes it is our hearts and out minds that are changed for the better. We think differently, we act differently, and we see life through a different kaleidoscope.

            On the subject of being ready with supplies, its incredible to me how we can be “ready” and still be in for a surprise. I discovered that when I sat for my NCLEX in a really sketch part of town. I went in ready: prepared to be there three hours max, answer 75 questions, the test shuts off, and then keep it moving. That’s not what happened. For those who know the mysteries that are Boards understand the struggle. I didn’t walk out confident. I didn’t walk out ready. I didn’t walk out complete. I walked out very incomplete and very broken. Very sick to my stomach and like a failure. Oh SNAP… what if I didn’t pass?!! To be here another month and a half?! I’s die! Dramatic I know.

            And yet, I was swarmed with so many overwhelming texts and calls of reassurance. The nice thing was that they weren’t all “Kameron, I’s sure you passed” but “God’s will be done” “Have faith in the Lord’s plans” and “keep your head up.” One of my friends, Jan, put faith in this scenario like this: “its easy to have faith when everything is certain! Buuuttt our faith is really tested in times like these. DON’T GET DISCOURAGED!! Claim God’s promises!! (enter “ok” sign).

            And so, I’m looking into repacking my suitcase. Instead of clothes, toiletries and shoes, I’m packing, faith, trust, and the promises of God. I think those will take me a little farther. A little deeper. A little closer to God. And in the end, that’s what we should want right? It’s true that you can never be ready. But with God, His plans, and His supplies, I’ll be ready when He receives us. Glory.

Ala.Ban.Za.