Defeated

"Never forget that our ultimate goal while here on this earth is to get others and ourselves ready for the Second Earth that will never end"


I will admit, one of the last things I want to do after I've been sick and dying all day and still managing to see patients, and not really eating, is to do some tutoring for math.

Math is the subject that I'm quite sure most kids hate because...well I'm not sure. I, for one, love math. My kids are no different. My kids don't like math probably because they don't get it. This is understandable. Math is hard. And yet, at the stage we are at, I wonder what has been going on in their math classes for the past 5 years. Actually, I'm curious what has been going on since they started class one.

One of the problems of being American is thinking that everyone on the earth has had a similar education that you had. Therefore, they should be on their way to being as smart as you. Another problem is thinking that everyone should be book smart. My kids, as I might have mentioned before, struggle with the basics: addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. Teaching class and tutoring can be a real struggle just because we must get around those problems. We're learning radicals, and they are unaware about negative numbers. We're trying to graph basic equations, and they are unaware of the coordinate plane and plotting points. I mention "x and y" and there is so much confusion in the air you would have thought I asked them to speak to me in fluent Italian.

Therefore, this makes my job very difficult because I feel like I'm playing catch up and teaching them everything they should have learned in class 5 instead of learning concepts from class 9 and 10.

And so when I teach, I feel defeated often. "Do these kids even understand this?!? Is my time being wasted? Do I need to stop and teach them this lesson they should have learned 3 years ago?" All are questions that flood my head. At the same time, I am reminded that they have to take end of the year exams that determine if they can go to the next grade. That is the big elephant in the room that always nudges me in the back.

I'm not sure what happened to the kids when they were young. I'm not sure why they are so far behind. I'm not sure who their teachers were or how they have made it this far. Pushed through just for the sake? Probably. Will they pass their math test? At this point, it's still true at that all things can be done through Christ; yet the voices in my head tell me it's not going to happen. And if they do, they will be pushed through just for the sake and they will continue along this road of confusion, thinking they know.

This is all "defeat" talking. He's pretty loud too and always wants to be heard.

But then the Spirit speaks. He says this: "it's ok. I've got this." Or Miss Ella will say, "kids don't remember as much what you teach them. They remember more how you made them feel"

And that calms me down. That assurance from The Lord and a godly friend put me back in line. My kids may not be the brightest colors in the crayon box. They might not be able to graph linear equations. They may be 20 and not really even know their times tables or how to subtract big numbers. They may not pass their test and they may have to repeat the class. Or they may never pass. They may not be doctors and nurses and lawyers and engineers and such. But then again, that's the American Dream that has polluted my mind and has been my focus.

But it's not about that.

It's not about that at all.

The most important thing for a Christian is to ready himself/herself and others for the kingdom.

That's pretty much it.

The way The Lord does that is of His choosing. For my kids, they just may do that work for The Lord with their education. They may surprise me, and do well, continue on, and some may be doctors and nurses. However, some may be seamstresses, carpenters, and cooks because they are incredible at those things, and great workers if you push them enough. And the great thing is that there is nothing wrong with that. At all. The Lord can reach more with a uneducated seamstress with her heart and mind set on winning souls for Christ than He can with the smartest brain surgeon whose focus is himself and self glory. That I know is the truth. For we aren't taking our fancy cars and nice homes or even our occupations to heaven. We're taking our characters. And to be quite honest, I have seen many more Christ like characters on this little compound than I have in much of America. Not saying that everyone here is perfect. But one thing these kids have learned is the importance of a life devoted to Jesus. Even more devoted than me I would say.

So yes, I am often defeated in my efforts to teach the kids math. But that's a little battle I'm willing to lose if the kids know I care about them, and that they can do it, and that heaven is rooting for them, and that they are important, and that I want to be like them when I grow up. And if I must sacrifice 5x + 4x for heaven with these blessed human beings, I think I win. ;)


Ala.ban.za