Will I Make It?

"You never know what you truly had til it's gone" - adjusted from the words of my mother.

The kids are a lot. I mean a lot. I can't really explain it. They can just be so much of a joy and so much of a leech sucking all my energy away.

They make me laugh so hard, question who taught them their English, make me cry when I think about leaving them, make me frustrated to no end, and give me such joy that I can't explain.

My boys can be the most active at night right before bed. Getting them to bed is like fighting a hungry bear with a plastic spoon from Taco Bell, blind. Imagine 10, 15-22 year olds all trying to talk to you, all telling you jokes, all telling you stories, all talking over each other, yelling your name, pointing lights in your face, then getting mad when you're not listening. It's one of those culture things.

Just now, that happened. It was me trying to hear all the stories, and save my eyes from the lights, and pay full attention to all of them at once, and laugh, and make comments, all with them breathing down my neck.

It's often overwhelming. But somehow I get through. At times they tend to drive me up the wall and back.

But then I think, who is going to do this to me in Dec? Who will play the boys their bedtime stories because lets face it, we all like bedtime stories no matter how old we are. Who will work out with them, remind them that we have high standards as men of God, that they can't do the honeymoon before marriage, that I won't allow them to marry just any Babylonian woman or Jezebel, as we say here-- in the words of Sir Kam, "she better love The Lord, read her bible, Ellen white, and work with you to get this final message to the world." Who will put his foot in their throats when they step out of line because I don't believe in blatant foolishness. What will happen when I don't have Muthu constantly walking in and out of my room yelling my name, normally just to see what I'm doing, check on me, or ask me if he looks cool/pretty? What will happen when Timrei doesn't give me his normal good morning head nod and salute, or ask me if I have any chips? Will it be the same without Mama being so cunning, or Blessingson yelling my name and smiling from ear to ear when he sees me only one hour after previously seeing me? What about Roben always working out and talking about his muscles or Silas acting with his "I do what I want" personality? What about Robert and his Justin Beiber hair styles and comments like "I don't work out" when he's the fittest guy here? Who will translate all the boys' Indian English like Cornel. More like, who will talk Indian English only?

If the girls aren't around, who will consistently be sooo bad and act like the girls from Mean Girls, but not actually mean it? Or what about the 3 friends (Indian version) Juba, Tumpa, and Bimola? The ones who have the most distinctive laughs and always are together. They also cause the most trouble. But they love me to eat with them. Who will do that? Who will be the Eunice and find the joy out of talking all the time and simply being obnoxious? With no Elina, Kristina, Ruth, and Rumila, who will be my quiet gentle souls?

And most importantly, who is going to consistently be rude and call my name louder and louder until I acknowledge them although I'm CLEARLY talking to someone else? They ALL do that. It's a culture thing.

This is my life. And has been for the past 6 months today. Wow, 6 months... It doesn't feel like that at all. I remember much of life before India as if it was yesterday. I can kinda follow in my head my journey here. From the awkwardness of the first day and the swarm of languages to the simple sporadic electricity and cold water bucket baths outside (I have come to really enjoy the simplicity, freedom, and money saving principles of the cold water bucket shower. It shall be continued in later life)

Before it was foreign, but now, as Timrei says, "this is lifestyle."

Will I be able to make it when this lifestyle is over and return to the one in America where as a whole, people seem a little colder in personality, a little more about self and less about Jesus. Where the problems involve not being able to connect to the wifi at a store and the Starbucks running out of someone's favorite drink, and being frustrated because one can't figure out which of their 60 pairs of shoes will match this outfit perfectly.

Versus the boys not having time in the day to wash all their clothes by hand and therefore running out of their 3 underwear, one of which I bought simply because I. Just. Couldn't... Or trying to survive on a balanced diet that includes white rice and potatoes for at least two meals of every day, lacking real veggies and fruit. Or running out of drinking water and washing water on the daily and hoping and praying the pipe isn't broken again.

That's the lifestyle that will soon be over that I'm not sure I can give up. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to eat some of the food I haven't had in awhile like Nutella and chipotle and ice cream. Besides that, I'm doing fine. Some small things may be falling apart at home, but I pray on the daily that God will take care of them. I think he is.

This is my lifestyle. And how will I make it without eating with my hands in a place that is completely acceptable. What about the villagers? What about their health that I question on the daily.

What about my kids? That's the real question. My now 26 kids.

My kids.

My kids.

Not ready to leave them, potentially for the first and the last time...

If we could but turn back the time

And still...

Bless


Kameron Carter