How Will They Hold Up?

"We must teach our children to rely on Jesus from an early age when we parents are around; because truth of the matter is, we won't always be. And when we're not, we can only hope that one lesson they will remember from us: and that is to always lean on Jesus."

In 34 days I will get on a plane and fly to India, if the Lord allows. It's crazy to think that 8 months has passed by since I originally bought the ticket and was approved to go. And even though I won't be able to stay for the time I would like, I'm trying to count the blessing that I am going.

I was talking to Ella today (who is still at the school in India), like I do often, reminding her of my soon return. I know she always cringes when we speak on this topic because it sends her through the series of thoughts that I had over a year ago: my time is almost up. You see, she'll be leaving with me after my month's excursion there to come back to the states with all its contrasting cultures, sights, sounds and lifestyles. She will have been present in our little jungle school with our 27 and her 40+ children (the extra are like step kids to me that I don't know well) for 26 months.

That's over 2 years

That's a wow moment in my mind and I am jealous everyday that I realize this opportunity she has had.

At first when we would talk about her coming back, she would tell me how she wasn't sure how she was going to hold up after leaving those faces for the last time. After leaving the smiles. After leaving the laughs. After leaving the jokes. After leaving the good times and the bad times. After leaving the tears and weary moments. I know it's hard and I have always told her it's going to be. I would know cause I went through it. I have told her on how I handled my situation and how I am still handling the reality today.

But this time she asked, "but Kam, how will they hold up?!"

And then it hit me.

"For the kids we have together, they will be losing their mother and their father at the same time for the first time in 2 years. And the ones who don't know you, it doesn't matter because their peers will be sad and so they as well will feel the pain"

The convo went something like that.

And I've been thinking back on that convo for the entire day.

What will my kids do? How will they react?

How will they hold up?

Will the girls cry longer and harder than when I left? Probably. But who will they cry with?

Will the boys act out in some kind of anger or sadness as a result of our absence? But who will calm them down?

Will the kids believe in their abilities through Christ and continue to walk the narrow path all the way to heaven? But who will show them?

Who will hug them even when they don't want to be hugged, be that shoulder to cry on or that listening ear?

Who will love them as I hope Ella and I have?

Well of course the answer to that is: God

Seems easy enough.

But I wonder if we truly believe it. As bible believing Christians, do we believe the promises that are littered in the bible? Do we claim them with the faith of Jesus and the assurance that He will keep them as it written?

More importantly, do our kids know that Jesus is everything we have been trying to emulate and point them towards over the past 26 months?

Because if they don't, then we have failed. Big time.

Because in this time that we have been given to love as Jesus loves us, I pray that a picture of Jesus has been painted that will always been seen in the eyes of our kids.

They will know that even though miss Ella and sir Kam, mommy and daddy, are gone, Jesus will be there.

He will laugh with them, cry with them, correct them when they have wronged and smile when they have done pleasing things in his sight.

He will be the only consistent Being ever in their life and I want that to be enough.

Because this is going to be like a heart break. I know it will be for me; so I can only imagine what their little minds and hearts will be growing through.

However, I am trying to believe that we have showed them enough Jesus, that they will know He is there. Always

That He will be the shoulder to cry on when we leave. That He will be able to handle all the frustration and anger and doubt they may have in their minds and hearts about our departure. That He will be and always has been the best Father and Mother ever.

It's the only thing that's held me together, for this period in my life has been most challenging. And for our kids, after we leave, they may enter into some of their most trying times as well.

Truthfully, the only and best thing I can do is pray they will lean on Jesus. Every. Day. Of. Their. Lives.

Because He's a solid foundation. And enough. And why I live, especially in the hard times.

May they do so.

Mercy.