Hope for Us All

"We need to get out of the habit of saying that 'all we can do is pray' when in reality, it's the best thing we can do."

All this drama has kept the wall up with my boys. They dug their own hole and then put a wall there, not allowing me or anyone to help them out. It's been a rough couple of days.

We've all been praying a lot. The girls especially have been trying to convince the 3 boys who quit choir practice to join so that we can have the whole group together and praise Jesus as a team. After their practice this Wednesday, they actually initiated a group prayer session where they all kneeled, held hands in a circle and prayed for each boy individually. There are about 15 girls so the boys were showered plenty. My heart was so filled with joy when I saw it happening. My kids believed in Jesus.

Even though it's been sticky for me and 7 of the 9 boys, I've been thankful to have two this whole time. My son Muthu has been the same; he always comes to check on me, asks me how his hair looks, talks to me about his love for the midwife students, and brings me all his medical problems. We still hang out and go places. He wasn't even phased by all the drama.

Suban is a very joyous easy going guy and also seemed fine with everything. Moreover, he doesn't think I did anything wrong or out of place. He sees thing my way more often than the other boys (not that that is what it's about). So there has been no change there.

The rest of the boys, especially some of the younger ones have really been side stepping me and giving me the cold shoulder. So I've been praying fervently and giving them space.

My biggest prayer for them has been for God to help them find peace in their hearts and let go, and not let anything get in the way of them doing work for the Lord: not lack of money, lack of talent, schisms involving some members (me). I don't want them to get in the habit of ever rejecting a call to minister with the Gospel; it could be an eternal life and death scenario.

I've solicited prayers from home too. I can feel them falling from above. Praying has become a wonderful thing for me. Something I very much enjoy and have been doing more often. It's becoming more and more of my first resort instead of my last.

We were a little worried about the all-boys practice this Thursday. Who would show up? Who would not? The performance was this weekend and we needed all the voices to be lifted up. Prayers were being sent up on all sides and the girls were trying their hardest to convince the boys to come.

That Thursday at all-boys practice, only a few boys showed up. Some of the other boys had been recruited to not sing. Even though it was sad, we continued to pray and were convinced that angels would sing with us on sabbath.

I continued to give space to the boys without letting them just do whatever they wanted. It was awkward at times but I knew that they would be unable to interact with me for awhile. I began to ask the other kids, who knew them longer, how long the tension and grudge would last. Some said it would last until I left. Others said it wouldn't last long. Still others said it would just depend on each boy specifically. I was nervous regardless.

"Could a 7-plus month good relationship with my boys seriously be ruined over a trivial sports game? After all the laughs, all the times we've been there for each other, I've taken care of you and you of me, all the meals we shared, all the games we played, all the deep talks and time we spent together? Is it over? Will I go home thinking my boys don't want anything to do with me?"

Lots of questions. Lots of loneliness. It's not like there are other boys staff here my age, so the boys are my social life and joy and love and everything else. I kept praying and waiting. What else was I to do?

Friday night after vespers, all those still faithful to the cause gathered for choir. Only four boys showed up initially. We began to practice our last time, thinking that it would just be us.

Wow how the devil has messed with the waters on this one. He was doing a great job. However, I knew our God would do a better job.

In the middle of practice, all of a sudden, two of the 3 boys who had actually quit choir, came walking in and sat down to sing. Alabanza! It was so much that all the girls began to cry during the next song and we had to stop and start over many a time. During the next song, during one of the choruses, I heard that deep base section that I hadn't heard in a couple of days and thought I would never hear again. It filled my heart with joy and my eyes did sweat a bit.

I knew it didn't mean that we were ok personally. But I knew the Lord would still be able to do work through them. And that was a bless moment. Cause it's all about Jesus.

We sang our hearts out and prayed a thanksgiving prayer. I'm sure the Joy was nil compared to the joy heaven receives when a soul comes back to Christ after going astray, after that sheep has been found.

Now we were just waiting for the morning. Not all of the normally faithful boys showed up for whatever reason. We weren't sure what the next day would hold. We gave it to Jesus.

The next morning there was excitement and nervousness in the air. The boys were getting up, but I wasn't sure for what. I just continued to say quick prayers of conviction upon the boys hearts that they would not let the devil win.

When it came time to go, only three of the boys got in the truck as it pulled out. I thought we had been defeated; but then I remembered that angels would sing. Even when others don't accept the call, the Lord will raise others up. I was just sad that the boys had allowed this issue to go this far. All over football.

But then I saw hope. We pulled down past the hostel where the boys normally hop on the truck at last minute. Then, slowly but surely, every single boy came down! Hallelu! It truly was a sight and it took everything in me to not grin past where my lips would anatomically go.

They came for Jesus. And I was thankful.

I was only slightly worried. This was not a field trip for any who simply wanted to go to the city. This was a ministry, and so I expected all attending to lift their voices and not just be enjoying in the pews. I wasn't sure how I would handle that kind of selfishness.

The ride to the church was long and rough with lots of vomiting and car sickness. But eventually made it.

We all got dressed and ready to sing. Well, all but one. This was the one boy who no one seems to understand. He's displayed a lot of selfishness and self-centeredness in the past and can be the hardest of my boys to love just because of his personality. When I asked him about wearing a white shirt and tie for the performance, he said he didn't need it. I was just thinking he was going to sing in his purple unbuttoned shirt. I wasn't going to argue because he was at least there. When we sat in our seats, ready to sing, he was in the other pews, watching us. It was then that I realized that he was not going to sing.

My blood began to boil. I was mad, upset, disappointed and just saddened that someone could make such a decision and be like, "whatever." However, I quickly prayed for forgiveness and asked the Lord to help me focus. I knew the devil was trying to distract me and have my mind back on myself and not on this mission.

In the end, even with all the struggle of trying to run the program smoothly, I think the Lord blessed. It was all pretty nice. The people were blessed, we were blessed, I was.

When we left that day, from our final choir performance, I remembered my boys. One of them actually approached me to help him tie his tie that he really likes. He didn't have to do that. Some of the others looked at me and one actually made a joke.

Maybe there was hope. Maybe I wouldn't be forever alone for the next month and a half. That would be miserable. My boys are much of why I'm here. I never had plans on leaving early, but they are the reason I don't want to ever leave. I think the wall in between us will slowly slowly come crashing down. Maybe not with all of them, but I'll take what I can. Even one more of my sons returning is worth a bunch of joy.

Some many Jesus parallels.

I'll be patient for now. And have hope.
Here's to hoping.

Bless. Alabanza. Praise.




Kameron Carter