Little Goodbyes

"Try to see 'goodbyes' more as 'until heaven.' It makes the pain of departure less heart wrenching"

In less than two weeks, 5 people very dear to me have left either temporarily or permanently. Miss Alex, the midwife from Puerto Rico left for the states yesterday. Don't worry, we didn't fall in love and aren't getting married. However, she was fun and great to have around, to talk about foolishness with, eat pancakes with, share American times with Ella and I. She is missed. With her, I lost one of my sons, Robert. Robert was sent as her bodyguard because he's so big and scary, but very nice and a great kid. He also has business to do with his school. Thankfully, he will return.

Then there are Kristina and Grace, two of my daughters, both of which told me they were leaving at the last minute. I was so upset. Thankfully Kristina will come back. However, Grace told me that she won't. It all happened so fast. She told me she needed pictures but I told her I was busy. She responded with this being the only time available because she wasn't coming back.

Then I flipped over the campus in my anger.

I said my last good byes and all to her just a couple of moments ago.

And then, there is Muthu. Muthu is very near to my favorite child, little brother who is not my brother, son ever. I spend the most time with this one. He was the first one to say hello to me when I arrived. He always comes to my room, at least 6 times a day, normally just to say hello and check on me and ask me If I think his hair looks nice. He jokes with me constantly, and we go on adventures together. He was one of the only ones who didn't let our football schism destroy our relationship. And I appreciated that.

He's going to get some school business done too and see the doctor. He says he will be back in a couple of weeks and I pray that it's so. My life shall be severely lacking with this one not in it. Plus when he returns I'll only have like 20 something days left with him and that is daunting.

Actually all of these goodbyes, starting with Alex and Robert have been wake up calls. Reminders that, "hey! You're about to leave these kids for real now, potentially indefinitely."

I'm not sure I'll come back. It took Ella 5 years. Granted. She had school and I don't; but still.

I really want to come back. For many who have talked to me, I have expressed how I don't even want to go. The kids are going to strap me to the ceiling of the hostel and take all my stuff. I'm fine with that.

I've been looking at my countdown a lot more recently, trying to prepare myself. But I think I'm going to stop and just try and enjoy the moment.

Cassie, my best friend, told me to start taking pictures of the ordinary day to day, those activities that you don't think twice about doing, but it's apart of my current life. I will miss it and wish I could visualize it. I'll take advantage of this.

All these goodbyes are making me enjoy more of the simple things, laugh so much more, just being with my kids cause I can be. I want to know more about them, hang out, go on adventures, teach them and show them Jesus hopefully.

I really look forward to heaven at times like this because I know that it will finally be the place where I don't have to say goodbye. And if I do it will be with the knowledge that I'll see you at some other time in eternity. I'll have my Indian children, my American families, my friends, and all the other people whole love Jesus like me.

The experience shall indeed be the best. I'll laugh with my Indian kids and then hang out with my America family. I'll ride a kangaroo one moment and then talk to a stranger about how Jesus brought them to our Home.

I can't imagine the joy that will be in place. But I do know it will be joy forever more.

Some of my kids will come back in a couple of weeks. Some won't. I may see Alex again, or I may not. I may come back to Indian again, or I may not. It's all a bunch of "if's" "and's" and "but's".

Even with all these questions, I'm praying fervently for one thing right now. And that is that we all will go to heaven and live with Jesus forevermore.

At least then, we don't have to worried about "coming back" to anything because everything and everyone will always be right there.

And that, well...

Bless. Bless it all.



Kameron Carter