Wasn't Ready

I wasn't ready to head up the clinic in Dolongre on Monday.

10 midwives, Ms. Leishimi and I set up a free clinic at the school across the street from the bazaar. We set up chairs and benches and divided up jobs. Originally, there was much chaos, and so quickly I just made all the final decisions because nothing was getting done. Some midwives did vital signs, some did blood sugars, and then Ms. Leishimi and I sat in as doctors, diagnosing people and prescribing medicines. I didn't think people would come. But anytime you have a free service, people come.

As so they came, one by one. They got their vitals and blood sugar checked. Then they sat on a bench in front of us and we asked them what else was going on. All the issues were ordinary and minor and yet I had no idea what I was doing prescribing medicines and solutions to their problems. I thought, "oh my Lanta, I'm going to kill all these people." No one would get better. Maybe worse. Or nothing would happen. I kept prescribing the same meds and told them to come back next week. I figured I would like to know if they actually got better.

I prayed a lot in that time as I gave medicines and advice. I wasn't ready. I prayed the Lord would multiply my efforts to do good in their community and that the people would actually be well. I didn't believe in the medicine and still don't. I believe in the Doctor. He's pretty great. And He's going to have to do a mighty work through my hands and my mouth because like I said, I wasn't ready.

Everyday I'm learning to pray some more and believe a little more in God. And not just to believe in His existence, but to believe in Him. Actually have faith. Actually move with the Idea that "I have brought this before the foot of the cross and now I put it in His hands." Because I wasn't ready. I'm not ready. But actually I am. I don't think God would have called me to do this work if I wasn't ready. He wouldn't have brought "trial one" and "faith test two" and "believe in me three" without the intentions to prepare me for "mission experience 4." I think they were all times to get used to walking with Him. To move from the front of my own line to the back of His, letting Him Guide.

I can tell you that I'm still not ready to do a whole lot of things. I stand of the other side of all my experiences with God and wonder how I got through them. And then I remember that I got through them because He was ready. He's always ready. And if, and only if, I hold His hand, I'll be ready for it all.

I hope you're ready.

Bless.

Kameron Carter