Uncertainties

The following is a past blog post that I never completed until now.


"We must be content with God's no's just as much as we are content with His yes's" -- Momma Jeri

The last couple of weeks and months have been an absolute world wind of emotions and events. Every time I call Ella, something else has happened at our little jungle haven. More of the kids have moved on to bigger and sometimes better things. It's uncertain what exactly they will be doing.

At the moment, I also don't really know when I'm going back to India. Not that I'm not going at all; that would be almost suicide. But with all the uncertainties surrounding my kids's locations, I have had to reconsider how much time I would need to actually go see them all.

A couple of months ago, I put in another request for an additional two weeks time to make my "across the world" trip. I awaited approval, moved the dates around a couple of times, and then waited some more. My official requested time was two extra weeks tacked on prior to my original departure date. Ella wants to come back with me, and I promised her that I would.

I waited some time from my nurse manager who makes the schedule to get back to me. I remember getting up in the middle of the night just to check online if the time had been approved, like a kid waiting for a snow day to appear. I began to get obnoxious after waiting for some time. I sent my scheduler some emails asking when the days were going to be considered. I just wanted to know what to do and whether or not I needed to buy my ticket. I needed a yea or a no so I could stop biting my nails.

After some weeks, she finally sent me an email that my nurse manager would have to approve it herself. The next day, my nurse manager called me into her office. The conversation wasn't long and I won't go into detail about what we discussed. In the end, she couldn't give me the extra time I requested because we were understaffed and it was bad timing. Even though I didn't agree with her reasoning, I said my respects and left the office.

I was angry, of course, because I didn't get what I wanted. After talking with some coworkers about it, they told me I could go through the grapevine to get some of the time back. Their original idea sounded great, a little shady, but great. However considering its nature and how it could affect me at work, destroying my integrity, my character, the character of Christ that was I was trying to emulate, I decided against it.

Instead I wrote a letter. It was sappy. I chronicled some highlights of my time there. I told a story, shared a joke and tried to pull at the heart strings of my boss and have her see things in my eyes.

After much prayer, soul searching, and weighing all my options, I sealed the note in an envelope and slid it underneath the door of my manager and walked out, not looking back.

Much like Jesus wants us to pick up our cross, follow Him, and not turn or even look back into the lives we just left. I'm 100 percent sure that what He has in store is better for us than the life we used to live. Yes there are some very big uncertainties about where he is going to lead you and what He is going to require of you; and yet, I was once uncertain about if this year overseas was a good idea. Many were. I was proved wrong of course. It was worth every leap of faith and ounce of trust I mustered.

And so now I have to wait again.

What is my boss going to say? Will she be merciful and let me have the extra time for the sake of some long lasting joy that I will forever cherish? Or will she be merciful and do a greater work in not letting me go because there is something else God has planned.

Not certain. But I'm learning to be ok with that.

Here we go.


Kameron Carter

How Will They Hold Up?

"We must teach our children to rely on Jesus from an early age when we parents are around; because truth of the matter is, we won't always be. And when we're not, we can only hope that one lesson they will remember from us: and that is to always lean on Jesus."

In 34 days I will get on a plane and fly to India, if the Lord allows. It's crazy to think that 8 months has passed by since I originally bought the ticket and was approved to go. And even though I won't be able to stay for the time I would like, I'm trying to count the blessing that I am going.

I was talking to Ella today (who is still at the school in India), like I do often, reminding her of my soon return. I know she always cringes when we speak on this topic because it sends her through the series of thoughts that I had over a year ago: my time is almost up. You see, she'll be leaving with me after my month's excursion there to come back to the states with all its contrasting cultures, sights, sounds and lifestyles. She will have been present in our little jungle school with our 27 and her 40+ children (the extra are like step kids to me that I don't know well) for 26 months.

That's over 2 years

That's a wow moment in my mind and I am jealous everyday that I realize this opportunity she has had.

At first when we would talk about her coming back, she would tell me how she wasn't sure how she was going to hold up after leaving those faces for the last time. After leaving the smiles. After leaving the laughs. After leaving the jokes. After leaving the good times and the bad times. After leaving the tears and weary moments. I know it's hard and I have always told her it's going to be. I would know cause I went through it. I have told her on how I handled my situation and how I am still handling the reality today.

But this time she asked, "but Kam, how will they hold up?!"

And then it hit me.

"For the kids we have together, they will be losing their mother and their father at the same time for the first time in 2 years. And the ones who don't know you, it doesn't matter because their peers will be sad and so they as well will feel the pain"

The convo went something like that.

And I've been thinking back on that convo for the entire day.

What will my kids do? How will they react?

How will they hold up?

Will the girls cry longer and harder than when I left? Probably. But who will they cry with?

Will the boys act out in some kind of anger or sadness as a result of our absence? But who will calm them down?

Will the kids believe in their abilities through Christ and continue to walk the narrow path all the way to heaven? But who will show them?

Who will hug them even when they don't want to be hugged, be that shoulder to cry on or that listening ear?

Who will love them as I hope Ella and I have?

Well of course the answer to that is: God

Seems easy enough.

But I wonder if we truly believe it. As bible believing Christians, do we believe the promises that are littered in the bible? Do we claim them with the faith of Jesus and the assurance that He will keep them as it written?

More importantly, do our kids know that Jesus is everything we have been trying to emulate and point them towards over the past 26 months?

Because if they don't, then we have failed. Big time.

Because in this time that we have been given to love as Jesus loves us, I pray that a picture of Jesus has been painted that will always been seen in the eyes of our kids.

They will know that even though miss Ella and sir Kam, mommy and daddy, are gone, Jesus will be there.

He will laugh with them, cry with them, correct them when they have wronged and smile when they have done pleasing things in his sight.

He will be the only consistent Being ever in their life and I want that to be enough.

Because this is going to be like a heart break. I know it will be for me; so I can only imagine what their little minds and hearts will be growing through.

However, I am trying to believe that we have showed them enough Jesus, that they will know He is there. Always

That He will be the shoulder to cry on when we leave. That He will be able to handle all the frustration and anger and doubt they may have in their minds and hearts about our departure. That He will be and always has been the best Father and Mother ever.

It's the only thing that's held me together, for this period in my life has been most challenging. And for our kids, after we leave, they may enter into some of their most trying times as well.

Truthfully, the only and best thing I can do is pray they will lean on Jesus. Every. Day. Of. Their. Lives.

Because He's a solid foundation. And enough. And why I live, especially in the hard times.

May they do so.

Mercy.

365 days of Separation

"Even when more time passes, it doesn't necessarily get easier. You just become more accepting of the things you can't change."

365 days ago, I was scrambling for the last couple of things to put in my bag. 

I was finishing up the final touches of the kids' gifts and putting them into a box

I was gathering the belongings I didn't want to take back to America with me. 

I was preparing to leave home. 

I remember how fast it all happened. I gave some quick hugs to the boys down in the hostel and went up to load my things into the winger. I gave the girls their pictures from me with little messages. I tried to keep looking in their faces to remember exactly how the Lord made each one uniquely different, uniquely beautiful and uniquely handsome. 

I didn't cry as I was preparing to leave even though it would happen. I know this only happened this way because I insisted/demanded that I be able to take my oldest boys (Muthu, Robert, Suban, and Silas) with me. I didn't care if I had to pay for their way there and back; I was not leaving this home alone.

In the last moments I did the one thing that was seen down upon for so long: I gave all the girls hugs. I figured it was my last day and I didn't care that it wasn't the most appropriate thing in Indian culture. I was going to hug my kids if it was the last thing I did to show them another token of my love. 

I hugged Ella last. It was tender. As my illegit wife and mother to my 27 kids, I was going to miss her most definitely. Who was going to stop the foolishness and eat pancakes with her? Who was going to make pancakes for her?? Who was going to be the pb to her J, the black to her white, the illegit husband to the family we had formed? 

I gave her a real American hug and she cried.

I got on the winger and we began to drive away and And I remember thinking this was a terrible dream. After the kids left my line of sight I remember looking up at the boys hostel and seeing Roben and Mama wave goodbye. I didn't give them a proper parting. 

The rest of the day was only bearable because I had my boys with me. They made the sting not as bad. We took pictures and laughed and reminisced. But I was crying inside. I was only going to be with them a couple more hours. Then I may never see them again. 

The airport drop off was a bit much for me. I gave them all my last pieces of young wisdom and gave them all long hugs and told them to behave. I dropped some money in their hands and pushed my bags into the airport. I kept turning back to see their faces one last time. When they were out of sight's view, that's when the realization began to hit me and I went into a state of anguish and panic. 

The tears were trying to come but I promised myself I would keep it together until I got on the plane. 

Side note: I lost it in the plane 

And so now it's been 365 days, on this blessed thanksgiving that I hit the anniversary. It's quite a way to spend thanksgiving seeing as how last time I was traveling during it and this year I have plenty to be thankful for even with them alone. 

I am thankful I had the privilege to teach and be taught. Thankful to love and be loved seriously. Thankful to be called their "sir" their "dad". 

Not everyone gets this luxury you know. Not all persons get the opportunity to love and be loved by such a great group of people. Not everyone gets the opportunity to see Jesus in such a way 

Being back in the States is still no easier today than it was at day 1. I think I'm just learning contentment with the way things are. Many days, things are falling apart overseas and I want to just play the hero and help Out my kids and family there. But then the Lord reminds me that He holds them even more closely than I do. He loves them even more deeply than I do. He's so much more for them even than I am. 

And while being here may some days be the worst, I'm learning a daily lesson that God is writing my story and right now, they just aren't in the chapter the way I would want them to be. 

Don't worry, they are still a part of my life. I have never tried so hard to stay in touch with a group of people. Calling, FaceTimeing and sending packages to them are some of my favorite pastimes. I am determined to let them know that just because I am physically gone, I am never really gone. I think it paints a faint picture of How even though Jesus isn't physically with us walking and talking with us, He's even more present in our lives than the person on the other side of that thin wall... If we let him be. 

So with that, I'll keep pushing and pressing on the upward way, and with Christ at the center, I'll make it.

I am going to see my kids in a few short months and that keeps me going too. However I am praying that the promise of seeing them in heaven forever if we all choose Jesus is a bigger push for Christ like perfection and surrender. 

Because then the only separation we'll have is one of how long it takes our wings to get us back together. And I think I can deal with that degree of separation. 

Hobey ho and Lord come quickly and grant us mercy 

6 months

"Your children growing up is one of the most tragic things a parent can face....but a far greater tragedy would be them never growing up and making their own mistakes and using their own wings. You may never have them together again in the old ways, but the new ways are just as beautiful and perhaps you treasure them more because you know how fleeting they are."  -- The Marie Tenold

I have a little less than 6 months until I get to return home. I know using the word "home" may be strange because I have been back in America for the same amount of time as I was originally gone. And that is kinda scary. Scary because it's surreal to know it actually happened. Also surreal to know that it could happen again. That I could go back. That I could see my kids again. Very surreal.

I haven't written a blog in over 8 months. That's more than half a year. I'm not really good at this blog thing. But I'm going to try to post things here and there until my return to India.

I've been talking to my kids per usual and it's still the highlight of each week when I get to hear their voices, see their faces through FaceTime, or just knowing they are alive and well. I stay pretty updated with Ella still being there. I can't imagine how different it would be if she was not around. I wouldn't know anything. The kids tell me stuff sometimes, but normally I have to ask them about subjects that Ella gives me the scoop about.

Like today, I talked with my Assam-hero son, Robert, also the pretty boy jock of my boys. He was telling me his aspirations to be a doctor and was weighing his options. To do or not to do. He knows he would be behind but I tried to assure him that if he really wanted to help ppl in that way, then he would have to be committed and just do it. Praying about it was of course my first advice concerning it all. He mentioned that if he decided to take on the challenge, he would have to live in Pune with his friend and work and go to school out there. The schooling in that part of India is better than in Kolkata or Meghalaya. Even though I was excited about the possibilities, i was reminded of another sad truth that continues to hit me again and again in the face: when i return to India, things will not be the way they used to be.

Things have been changing since the day I left because change doesn't wait to happen while you're away. It keep happening. Many of the teachers have left and more will be leaving soon. many teachers have arrived and more will come soon. Many of my students (kids) have gone to new schools, gone home, plan on going to other schools, and so on. other students, ones who aren't my kids, have showed up and changed the structure of Springs of Love School. when i step back on that beautiful red, muddy soil, the sun will be shining differently, the rain falling in a different direction, and the air will have a foreign smell, because things will not be as they once were. 

i will be elated to see my kids. don't you worry about that. however, i won't see them all at the same time. i will probably spend more time traveling to see this kid or that one or this staff or that staff than actually settling down and enjoying it all. it will be 30 days of memory-making and i plan to make years of memories in the days given. 

even though i discuss with Ella how much i wish things were back in the olden days with all 27 kids and funs times, she always prepares me with the cold hard facts that it won't be that way. "why do my kids have to grow up and graduate?" "why do they have to go onward to work and university and marriage and moving away and all the other things that life throws at you?" "why can't we all just stay in one place and repeat the same year over and over again, a vortex of time that can't be added to or taken away from?" i don't want them to grow up and leave me, even though i have already left them. i don't want to return as the missing piece to our beautiful puzzle picture, just to realize that I'm not the only piece missing.

and then Ella hit me with the deep quote from her mother, who we just call, Marie. (refer to the cat poster worthy deep quote above)

how right she is, i realize. its a sad situation but one i must accept. even though i would love to return and it be like feb-nov 2015, deep down, i know its better for that not to be the case. my kids need to move on. they need to grow. they need to fall down. they need to get back up. they need to make mistakes. they need to realize those mistakes and apologize. they need to forgive. they need to hurt. they need to have joy. they need to smile, to cry, to laugh, to sing, to dance, to live. they need to live without me. not that i can no longer be a part of their lives, but that they can do what i am doing now: living on my own trying to do this adult thing and living for Jesus the best way i know how. moreover, praying that i can do something with this little old life that has been given to me. i know my parents would hate to have me still living in the house, not making choices, and making mistakes, and taking risks, and risking my comfort, and stepping out in faith and the like. they don't like to have me or my other brothers out of the house and doing our own things; but i do know they take comfort and pride knowing that we are living. that we are going. that we are moving on, growing, falling down, getting back up, apologizing, hurting and having joy, smiling, laughing, crying, and cutting out our own path in this life. I know they pray that God's light will be what is leading me and that i will keep my eyes on him no matter what. because honestly, this is not our final home as we know. but sometimes i wonder if we believe it. 

this really isn't our final home. its full of goodbyes, and hurricanes, and death, and hunger, and crazy elections, and proud people, and pointless activities, and lacking what God truly wanted us to have: communion with Him. And since He can't go on too much longer without having us near Him, He's preparing to come back. which is more surreal than the thought that i have been back in america for 10 months. 

and considering that my trip back to india will also be short-lived, i want even more for Jesus to come back so we can all stop crying and falling down and being apart, and be smiling, and laughing, and getting up and being together forever. but in order to do that, we all have to walk our own paths, go our own ways. each one will be specifically unique and beautiful. however, for those who make it, we will see on the end that we were all just one small thread on the same rope bound together by Jesus who pulled us along the way. and that's kinda cool to think about. 

so i am learning to let go but hold on to the assurance that my Jesus will make it all right again. he will bring us back together again for longer than 30 days and we won't have to go through the turmoil of being apart. he will wipe tears, and cast our fears forever, he will tear down walls and put up ones that keep evil out. he will have us all in one place and that place will have him at the center. and what a day, glorious day that will be.

and so the countdown begins again. 6 months until i go back. ____ months until the great Comeback where we'll all be making memories and smiling and being together forever and all that jazz.

even so come, Lord.

even so…

Praise be.

Trying To Smile

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." -- Jeffrey Harmon Brownlow

I stay up to date with my friend Heather Bholender and her husband Jeremy Sterndale through her frequent blog. She's very faithful in updating it and I decided I should get back to mine and be faithful.

I haven't blogged in a while because it's hard. Being back in America is hard. When I blog about being back in America, I just remember blogging in India and all the joys I experienced on a daily basis. Yes I have experienced the joys of seeing old faces, old friends, eating old foods and doing old things. They do provide some happiness. I'm trying to hold on to it and remind myself that this is just where I'm going to be for awhile.

However I get the most joy from spontaneously calling my kids. I truly praise the Lord for Skype credit. It's the only way I get to regularly communicate with them. I try to call my boys especially as least twice a week and see how they are. I don't like talking on the phone with them too much because I can tell it's awkward for them. Even though I would rather hear them talk, I end up filling up all the awkward silences with all of my talking and questions and answers. But when I hear them laugh or hear them even say something it makes my heart the most happy.

I also get the most joy when I go to the store to buy them things to send them in the mail. There is nothing more reckless for me right now than shopping for my kids. I'm kinda that father who goes to the store and buys all the things that I feel that my kids would like. I actually mailed off all of the things just yesterday.

Besides calling my kids and buying them things, I'm not doing a whole lot. I'm currently in Chattanooga with some friends just passing the time away and waiting for my job to start in Florida. With all this free time upon me, I think about my kids a lot. When I dwell on what I had with them and the times that I miss the most, it makes me sad.

Very sad actually.

Because my heart's desire is to be with them. To travel to their villages and meet their families. To play uno with the boys and hear their crazy jokes and stories. To laugh with the girls and go for roaming. To see Jesus in them on a daily basis. To love and be loved by 27 Incredible children.

But then that sadness reminds me of how thankful I must be. I must be thankful and happy because I got that opportunity. It was and is mine. Such privilege I was given to be all part of the greater picture in God's kingdom. True, it's absolutely heart breaking some days when I wake up and I'm not in my mosquito net. Those are the rough days, when I call my children, talk to them for hours, get off the phone and remember that I am days of journeying away from them.

But then there are the good days. The days where I look at my pictures and think, "wow! Bless. Bless it all for such a time as this."

It happened. It really happened

And that's beautiful. And worth it. And the reason why I'm trying to smile. I mean I have at least 27 reasons to do so. Plus it is a lot harder to frown anyway.

In the sad, although it may be hard, I'll try to press forward with that smile, because in the end, it truly. Did. Happen.

Lots of bless!

An Advanced Apology

"The offended should be more understanding of the offender's situation and less quick to know everything about the offender. However, this does not give an excuse to the offender to do whatever he/she wants"

As I prepare to step back onto American soil after 9 months in a foreign land with foreign people that I now call home and family, I want to prepare you and apologize.

I'm sorry for my emotional up and down state that will probably occur during certain hours of the day, especially at night when I should be the responsible father and put my boys to bed and play them their bed time story.

I'm sorry if I must remove myself from certain situations or cry or become sad all of a sudden during a conversation or an activity. I have probably been reminded of my kids in some way and will miss them so greatly.

I'm sorry if I distance myself from you for any period of time. I probably just don't want to be around people, want to be alone or may be annoyed with whatever is being done. It's probably not you. Or it could be you.

I'm sorry if you don't understand my English when I use certain phrases like "that one only", "then", "come one time", "don't tell", "simply telling" "simple", "this is life", "any command?" "Ahhss!", "Ayohhh!", "listen no", "Chee! Keep quiet no!" "yes ra", "what is what?", "do I look pretty?", "How does my hair look?", "huh! Hi!" (All while flexing my muscles), "...or what?" I also may seem a little more nosy when I ask "what you're doing", "where you're going" or "did you eat rice?" Just our cool India lingo.

I'm sorry if I'm always wondering why people aren't staring at me. It's not that I've gotten vain since I left. However, since there are no tall African American males who could pass for Nigerians, I was always a sight where ever I was.

I'm sorry if I come to you house and begin eating food with my hands. It's actually easier, more clean because you don't have to wash spoons or forks, makes your food taste better, and it's better for enjoying. I'll try and Be civil for the sake of everyone else.

I'm also sorry if I come to your house and I ask for a bucket and/or a pail. I've been taking bath from a bucket for the past nine months and it's one of the happiest times of my life. I don't expect to give it up soon. So If you hear splashes of water in the bathroom, don't worry. I'm saving water.

I apologize for being even more cheap than when I left and not needing a whole lot of stuff. We didn't have electricity most times, water was outside, my bed was simple and me and my kids were poor. Didn't have the most extravagant food and did without a lot of stuff. I just didn't have it and that was ok.

I'm sorry if I'm always ALWAYS talking about my kids for the rest of my life. Them and my Jesus were everything to me and I could talk to you about it for awhile. If you really don't want to know, then please don't ask because I won't be able to give a short answer and will refrain from telling you other things about my time if I sense you actually don't care that much. Don't worry. It's normal.

I'm sorry if all I want to eat is rice and curry. It's life. As well, sorry that everything I make will now be hot because life is just better that way.

Sorry if I'm always cold during this winter because I don't think it ever dropped below 60 something while I was in Meghalaya, and that was freezing. I'll be wearing jackets and sweaters and coats and hats everywhere. Don't tell.

Sorry if I get mad when you tell me "welcome home." This is currently not the happiest time for me and this is currently not my home, but a foreign place. I may often refer to India as home and america as the foreign place I now live.

I'm sorry if I prefer to sleep on the ground than a bed. In India we didn't have very cushy tempur pedics. We only had blankets and thin mattresses on plywood. However that really helped out my back for the first time in years. So it serves two purposes. It helps my back and I feel closer to home.

Sorry for wearing a lungi everywhere. It's like a man skirt. It's the best thing ever. Sometimes I'll wear a bedsheet in its place

I'm sorry if you don't understand when I'm saying yes or no. It's kinda backwards. I make noises with my mouth and head nods or something something with my hands. I'm probably always listening but you just can't catch my body language and noises.

I'm sorry if when I start driving initially, I go to the wrong side of the road. Everything is backwards there. Just don't let me drive.

I'm sorry if I get nervous about everything. Right now as I type this, I'm nervous to see everyone. I don't know why. It's just a lot to handle at one time: the white ppl, the black ppl, the right side of the road driving, all the bazaars, the nice streets, all the iPhone's and tablets, all the ppl not wearing clothes, not seeing my kids anywhere. That's really hard. All the English. All the stuff... It's a different world out here. I'm trying to get used to this foreign country.

In many different things, you may not understand why things are going the way they are. Just ask me about it. Just seriously want to know how you can help me. If that's what you would like, you can help me make this transition a lot easier.

I don't make an excuse if I hurt you, because that's not ok either but you may be a little more understanding when you read this. So thank you for what you do.

And again, I apologize.

I don't know if Alabanza is the word to describe how I feel now...

1, 2, 3

"Don't fret when the Lord takes things out of your life. Chances are, He will replace it with something else soon after"

I wrote a blog some time ago entitled "8 and 9" I believe. It was probably about how I only had 8 months and 9 days until I came back from blessed India. Well even though I try to deny it, I only have 12 days until I leave my kids (my life) and 14 until I'm on a plane back to America (my other old life).

Time is but a fleeting thing in the wind. How true this all has been. I've been doing a lot of going and coming recently, and I think this has contributed to the fleeting time. Right now I'm taking my friend Christian Bunch back to the airport so he can go back to his kids in Chennai. He met my kids, but now it's time for him to return to his own.

Christian's visit was needed for me. I think having another male missionary in my shoes did good for me. I think I balanced well hanging with him and my kids in these last days. We went to a lot of bazaars, went to the village once, went to the waterfalls, had a quick thanksgiving dinner involving Nutella and pancakes and mac and cheese. We did it all. We enjoyed.

We talked a lot about missions and what the Lord is doing with each of our lives. Christian says that he's feeling called to do long term missions in India. I told him I don't feel called at the time but would be willing to come back to my project and do further work for the Lord. So don't be surprised if I pack up my bags and leave America again in the future.

But it's in the Lord's hands. Right?

Right now I have 1 prayer meeting left, 2 sabbaths, and then I'm out of here in a little over 13 days. The 3 in the title stands for the 3 in 13. (I couldn't get more creative than that).

Part of my going away has been getting some memorabilia for my children. So while Christian was here, he helped me figure out the best way to make 27 picture frames for my kids. After struggling for days for an idea, we decided to just use a stick of bamboo that we cut in half and put the picture in between. It's def not Pinterest worthy, but what to do. Most of my kids will simply read the message I write for them on the back and then put the pictures in their photo albums. It's one of the few things I can do for them before I go.

One very nice thing happened yesterday that filled my heart with joy: two of my boys came back after a 1 month and 2 month hiatus to Kolkata. I think I gave them about 5 hugs upon their return. I have all of my happy club kids back, and it makes me super happy.

As I get ready to leave, I wonder if the Lord will give something to me in replace of my time and memories here. The Word says that he gives and takes away. I think it's His time to take away my time here in Meghalaya India on Springs of Love campus. I just wonder if he'll give me something else instead.

There isn't much more to talk about in this blog. I officially can't go to the hiring event at Florida hospital and that's a bummer because it makes me salty about spending all that money and losing all that time. However HR says that the hospital does want to hiring me for an actual RN position. So a job is promising. At least more promising than before and it's not a complete loss.

I'm a little more worried about my transition back into American life, so please bare with me if I'm not oober excited to see you or don't want to do anything. I do know that I will need to get a used car when I get back because I'll be joining the working world. So if anyone reading this wants to give me tips on buying used cars or knows someone who could give me a good deal and not having me driving a vehicle with the engine about to fall out, let me know. That's one of my honest, serious worries.

As I've stated before and I'll state it again, I absolutely love it here. I'm so thankful the Lord chose me to do this work. I just pray I've done it all for Jesus and that I'll continue to do more for Jesus in the future. If you've ever considered missions, I suggest you keep considering it. Your life will never be the same. And it may be the beginning of your mission life and not your mission experience if you make it that way.

For now, I'm just chilling with my kid, Timrei and taking Christian back to his kids. I'll be back to my kids in less than 24 hours. The final stretch will begin then. You may not here from me until I get back. If this happens, don't fret. Just know that in 1, 2, 3, you'll be seeing a whole lot more of me.

Jesus help us all.


Kameron Carter